The origin of Cosmic Sparkle
As a child I often visited the world of imagination and dreams, filled with mythical symbols and life lessons. They awakened my curiosity about the meaning of life and death. To express my thoughts I used a diary to write and doodle what I had discovered.
I was born in a small village in Holland, just an average person with ups and downs, trying to find my way and purpose in life. We had a big family with many different personalities and I , being a shy and quiet child, sometimes struggled to be part of this large group. In hindsight I can say that I was part of a family that gave me the right challenges, inspiration and tools to become the person I am now.
My father made me see things in a variety of dimensions, inspiring me with his love for music and art. The intensity of my mother's personality gave me the courage to pursue my dreams. I think of my parents with gratitude and love and miss them dearly.
It was in 1989 that my mother discovered a lump in her breast, a major emotional encounter for our entire family. My mother was full of life, filled with hope and possesed a deep inner strength to stay positive. This frightening event changed our family, we were confronted with fear and emotions in our own personal way.
After 5 years my mother's illness became terminal and my father devoted himself completely to the care of his wife, nursing her day and night. Our family bond deepened but, when she died in 1996, neither of us seemed to be really prepared for this painful moment. She was just too young.
During those days I became a stranger in my own marriage, my husband and I are best friends but we had grown apart and started to live a separate life. The time we had together is still very valuable to both of us but somehow we knew that we would not stay together forever. It made me confused and very redrawn and I did not face my emotions.
Only two years after my mother died another tragedy entered our family. My father had a stroke and this affected his way to communicate. Being less independent was a terrible struggle for him. He was a kind and sensitive man and no matter what was happening in his life he was always there for me during my time of crisis. I could talk for hours and we had a deep and special connection.
One evening, while browsing the internet, I met a wonderful man from a different country. The minute we started to communicate we opened a powerful energy and discovered a deep understanding and love towards each other. We talked for hours and found so many similarities, one person started to talk and the other would finish the sentence so correctly as if we could read each others mind. Both of us felt like coming home. That night, after our first meeting, we had the same dream, a dream that became our light at the end of the tunnel, our goal to fight for.
We were walking on a beach enjoying the sea, the sun and the view into the horizon. We looked each other in the eye and felt a connection of our souls as if a long lost part reunited. Our souls opened up that night and we did not want to loose each other again. We made the promise to use our love to help others by showing how magical and precious life can be.
Yes, my life transformed completely, after all I was deeply in love. We chatted and met a couple of times but then, four months after we met, he discovered he had cancer. Because we lived so far apart we could only talk to each other using the Internet and the phone. Time became so precious and we used it carefully by talking to each other every day. I rushed over to his country to be with him when his illness became too acute that he had to be admitted to the hospital.
There was no doubt in my mind about our relationship, I wanted to be with him and support him. At that point I made the decision to permanently move over to England, no matter what. It was during this confusing time my father died and I was devastated. Busy travelling back and forward to be with my new partner I strongly felt that I had neglected my father. He was always there for me ... but... I was too afraid to face the truth.
The move to a new country was a big challenge in my life, I felt like I had to learn everything all over again. It was the intensity of our relationship that gave us both great wisdom and strength to cope with the diversities of life. My partners chemotherapy treatments where the most difficult part of our challenges but we continued to believe and pray for a future together, a hope that became our drive in life. We could be there for each other and shared our pain and fear.
Totally unplanned and unexpected I became pregnant, both of us saw this miracle as a positive sign and decided to tempt fate by planning our wedding date. This new life gave us a glimpse into the future we hoped for. Unfortunately life had different plans and we lost our baby after 3 months.
Three wonderful years I spend with my new partner and there has never been regret. In spite of all, our love and hope kept us fighting until the last moment. When we finally had to say goodbye to each other we felt it was not forever. My partner died one day before our wedding day.
I disappeared into a no-mans-land, attempting to deal with the emptiness and loss but the loneliness became a deep rooted pain. Because I missed our conversations and love so much I decided to write a letter to my partner every day to, once again, sharing my fear and challenges with him.
This writing made me remember the promise we had made to each other to share our special love with others. The unique bond between our souls found a way to reach every dimension, my dreams and meditations are often filled with my partners love and guidance. A long process of healing had now started and it was the right time for me to return to the land of the living.
I created this website to share my thoughts and creative expressions during my journey into healing. If a spark of the love and healing I have experienced is of inspiration to you my aim will have been served.
Caroline