How it all began

One evening, while browsing the internet, I met a wonderful man from a different country. The minute we started to communicate we opened a powerful energy and discovered a deep understanding and love towards each other.

We talked for hours and found so many similarities, one person started to talk and the other would finish the sentence so correctly as if we could read each others mind. Both of us felt like coming home. That night, after our first meeting, we had the same dream, a dream that became our light at the end of the tunnel, our goal to fight for.

We were walking on a beach enjoying the sea, the sun and the view into the horizon. We looked each other in the eye and felt a connection of our souls as if a long lost part reunited. Our souls opened up that night and we did not want to loose each other again. We made the promise to use our love to help others by showing how magical and precious life can be.

No act of jealousy or major change in our life could affect our bond because the more anger and fear that came towards us, the more love we developed. We understood the meaning of real devotion.

We talked about our past where we experienced the same kind of challenges in our relationships. Our inner need as an individual person was giving love, which rooted in an even deeper drive to receive the same.

We did find relationships where we could give but it seemed to be one way traffic. It felt like we had to take care and be responsible for the other person involved like being a mother or father to them. Knowing that ignoring your own need would end up in disappointing yourself, we both were relieved to finally find some understanding.

Sometimes it was like talking to yourself - similar to our inner dialogues - our own questions and answers. We were so thankful that we met, we prayed to God that soon we could be together. How soon that would be, we did not know but whatever life was giving us we would appreciate it fully.

The challenge of different cultures became an enjoyable side dish. We could laugh about our strange habits and be surprised that we had so much in common, being in the end just human beings. When language was a barrier, our love built a bridge over it.

During the first three meetings we never saw or spoke, we only typed the words on a screen. We felt it was time to exchange numbers and in our fourth meeting we could hear each other's voice for the first time. Paul had given me a song, which he felt was expressing our personal love bond, being: " Have I told you lately..." by Van Morrison. That day he sang that song for me. That day we knew this was more than just a fling.

Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no one else above you
Fill my heart with gladness
take away all my sadness
ease my troubles that's what you do.

For the morning sun in all it's glory
greets the day with hope and comfort too
You fill my life with laughter
and somehow you make it better
ease my troubles that's what you do.

There's a love that's divine
and it's yours and it's mine like the sun
And at the end of the day
we should give thanks and pray
to the one, to the one...

...

After a couple of months we decided to meet in person. Excited and at the same time frightened, we planned THE day. We promised each other to be open and honest, being aware of the importance of the physical attraction we had not yet experienced. We exchanged pictures to break the ice and were still very much willing to meet.

The day had come and I was nervously waiting at the airport for a man I was so much in love with, but had never seen (During his flight Paul drank a couple of gins for some Dutch courage.) The doors opened and our eyes met for the first time and we kissed carefully but caringly.

This moment will never be erased from my memory for it was magic. Finally alone, we just stared at each other for a while, not believing how comfortable we felt. Again we talked for hours but this time in each other's arms. Feeling the physical warmth connected to this love was lifting us to a higher level. So quick we had to say goodbye but we knew that we would see each other again.

We continued talking on the net and the phone and became more and more part of each other's life. We carefully talked about the future and felt we were made for each other. We could not wait and planned a Xmas holiday together in a romantic cottage in Wales. There I was, 37 years old and for the first time ever, travelling in the air. Our relationship opened the world for me, a world I had never experienced before, one of true love, gentleness and joy.

Paul was not used to openness in a relationship and I took him to places inside himself he never opened before. His faith in God had given him strength throughout his life but he was never able to share this. Talking about pain, fear, past experiences and most of all, our hopes and dreams. Paul had a great passion for India and he could talk for hours about his adventures.

After our holiday we both felt tension because it was difficult to plan a future together. There were so many unfinished issues in both our lives.

I was still married and although our relationship had come to an end, neither of us had the courage to make the decision, we kept postponing and stayed together 'out of respect' for each other. We are still friends and we were able to end this marriage in a respectful and peaceful way.

Paul was not very lucky and his past relationships had not given him love nor respect. He had been married twice and was now in a relationship were he was confronted with selfishness and greed.

He accepted in a way his fate because of his gentle personality but it had made him a very unhappy person. The many complicated confrontations scared him, he never had the courage to really do anything about it. We now had the opportunity to start all over again and we both were reborn.