The Gift Of Memories

The value of our life will very much depend on our own contribution, and every one of them counts. Although we make mistakes we have been given the power to acknowledge them as ours and take responsibility for them. This is our opportunity to learn from our challenges in life and to be grateful for the important messages. In the end we realise that it is easier to face them now then to wait until it is too late, for our choices will be part of us forever.

Feelings of guilt and frustration are often the impossible attempts to change the past, withholding us to breathe. Only until we start to look in the mirror instead of blaming others will we be able to face them. It is so often shown to us that love will come into our life when we ourselves decide to open our door and give.

While writing this I open Daphne Rose Kingma’s book
‘A Garland Of Love’ and read the story for the 21st of November;

Love holds the Mirror

Inside the intricacy of our psyches, we all know how much we need to be seen. None of us has come of age having been seen so well that we can truly see ourselves: who we are, how we look, what we came here to do, how we are broken, what moves and touches us.

Knowing the particular ways in which you need to be mirrored ~and discovering the ways in which the person you love also needs to be given an image of him ~ or herself ~ is one of the kind undertakings of love.

So today, see if you can identify some aspect of yourself that is still invisible to you ~ your wit, your ability as an artist, your intelligence ~ and tell the other person how very much you need this to be reflected back to you. Love is the mirror in which we are given back the truest image of ourselves.

My dearest darling,

What we have once enjoyed we can never lose.
All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.

Helen Keller

Maybe I am without words but deep inside I am surrounded by memories and embraced by the love you left in my heart. Time has changed me and I have learned to accept what life has given me. We are a couple who have been robbed of a future together, the way we loved to dream about. Although we are not able to see or touch each other I am grateful for the connection we still have. This love is my guidance and it is showing me how valuable our time together has been and how much we are able to learn from one another in this never ending bond.

Other people you left behind have still not been able, after two years, to resolve their differences and they have great difficulties to respect your wishes by making their personal needs more important. Maybe this is an inability to understand that death is not the end of love. There is no need for many words, our hearts will resonate our true intention.

We all fight our own battles of acceptance and having walked on a path of self-destruction for the past two years I slowly begin to understand the nature of my own power to heal. It seems that for the many people around us we only repeat the same thing over and over again and somewhere during our journey they disappear because of that assumption.

True compassion can only exist when there is love. I admit that I have felt disappointment because of their attitude and I have embraced this as part of my hurt, but I realise that no one can have expectations and if we do, we prevent ourselves from reaching our personal destination. It is a lonely and difficult path and I have to walk it on my own, guided by a deep spiritual source.

People advice us to forget the past and to continue to live our life. Many of those kind gestures are often the inability to understand or spoken in autopilot. When someone has been part of our life and we have loved deeply they become part of us and when we have to say goodbye that part of us goes with them. We first try to fill the emptiness and after we recognize that this is impossible we learn to accept. If someone is not with us any more in a physical sense there is no guarantee they will have left us completely.

We have been born with the gift to access our memories and I am thankful mine are filled with the beautiful moments we had together. These gentle thoughts give me strength, even when the emptiness never disappears. It is difficult for anyone to understand but memories are all we have left and this is like a kind attempt of death trying to give us back what we have lost.

I remember the moments where you told me to continue my life in happiness when it would be your time to go, how noble and tender those words did sound when you spoke them. I now know it is impossible to receive the same kind of love from anyone else because every relationship is unique. Life has to continue and I cannot hold onto something that is not ‘real’ anymore, I realise I owe that to myself and to you.

My devotion and love are now for the person who has given me his heart and I need to let go of the guilt without creating a relationship of three. This precious bond is presenting us, even with the baggage of our past, love and respect.

My darling, I will never be able to forget you because you will always be part of me.

With all my love,
Your little Angel.