A Healing Journey
It is only with the heart that one can see rightly;
Antoine de Saint-Exupery
What is essential is invisible to the eye".
The smell of the place so familiar to me is now like a first blossom in springtime. Memories of a wonderful journey gave me the closure I had been longing for. There are still moments of tears but the happiness in my heart is now reflecting the eternal bonding with the soul I intertwined with and whose guidance I will receive during the rest of my life. This visit to Ireland has given me the strength to face life again.
I became aware of my own selfishness, holding on to the pain, grief and everything that reminded me of the person I loved so deeply. I prepared my remembrance carefully and with the determination to close down the chapter in my life - a chapter that gave me the most beautiful gift of all, spiritual love - I now feel I have found happiness again.
We all have to deal with major transformations in life and to be able to share the pain and show compassion is something we should be proud of. This voyage has given me deep insight into the meaning of life and although my personal transformation is hardly something I can express in words I want to share all the beautiful moments I experienced during this healing journey.
My heart was filled with emotions and the trip to Tralee was one of tension and anticipation. I carried my bundle of happy memories and pain with me until the day of revelation, the 21 November 2001. Together with my boyfriend I travelled roads and places like following footsteps of a historic nature. We both were so open for spiritual signs that we almost saw messages in everything we encountered.
The most beautiful moment we shared at a place so full of angelic energy that I can honestly speak about a wonder. While driving towards this special place we first passed "Merlin's Cottage" and while we were still enjoying our happy feelings another spiritual message came towards us through a sign, which had written on it "Granville's Garage" (my partners first name). Only a couple of minutes after, we saw a picture that I remembered like it happened yesterday.
A year before, during our last holiday, my partner and I experienced a spiritual moment when we came to a place that made us both freeze into an amazing mode for a long time. We took our car on a private road because we were so fascinated by the sight of two small mountains in the Atlantic Ocean that we needed to get closer. At the place where the road ended we saw an island, which to us was nature's most beautiful gift to mankind.
The sea, the island, the birds and especially the two small mountains surrounded by the Atlantic Ocean covered in mist had given my partner and me the picture of magic we had carried around in our hearts. We looked each other in the eyes and from this moment on our souls were even more connected and we could not stop talking about the happiness we felt. We gave the mountains the name Merlin's Castle and when we later discovered the history connected to it, the experience we had at that wonderful place deepened.
There are two islands; one is a bird sanctuary and the other is where a monastery is located. Skellig Rock is an island off the coast of Ballinskelligs in the county of Kerry. Access to the island is not easy. It involves a 50-minute sea journey and the climbing of 640 steps to the top of the island. The monastery was founded around the 7th or 8th century. Very little is known about the community or the names of the abbots. The monastery contains a number of beehive huts and two churches. There is a reference in the monastery at Tallaght to an abbot named Sweeney of Skellig Rock visiting Tallaght. In 823 A.D. the Vikings raided the island and kidnapped the abbot. The monastery ceased around the tenth century due to climatic changes that made the sea journey even more difficult if not impossible. What is clear is that these monks lived in peaceful harmony, a brotherhood devoted to contemplation and prayer.
This picture, engraved in my mind forever, was envisioned in front of me again and for a couple of minutes I could feel my partners warm love and embrace.
That evening I was going to receive another wonderful gift from my dear sister, the opening to channel spiritual energy and I feel honoured that she is the one to guide me to this "new world" with the help of Reiki. Feeling very tired from the long trip I fell asleep and woke up after my first initiation angry and strange. I am just an ordinary person and I could not believe that this was going to happen to me, the person who did not deserve happiness was going to be lifted into a level of spiritual enlightening.
For a moment I thought I was not good enough to receive this gift and immediately the toothache I had for weeks came back with an enormous strength. I walked up and down the room and for an hour, I kept telling myself that I am worthy of this and when the pain slowly disappeared I managed to fall asleep again.
Dreams of fear and happiness woke me up the next morning, I noticed that my hands were glowing and I felt like walking on clouds. The second day I was determined to be awake and started my meditation about five minutes before I received my second initiation. I saw myself walking on a path covered with stardust and I stopped on a spot in the middle of this miracle road. A big star appeared in front of me and the light became stronger and brighter until it covered me all over in warmth so divine I could not never describe the feeling I had at that moment but I know it has changed my life forever.
The next day was the day I had been waiting for and after a visit to my favourite church and a prayer to remember all the loved ones I had loved and lost, we arrived at the place where I shared my partners spirit with the nature he loved so much. I opened the letter I wrote to him and started to read it out loud.
Read letter »After finishing I protected it by a plastic bag and left it with the rest of the memorials under a stone. That moment was exactly 3 pm, the time my partner died a year before and it was also the day I received my final initiation. I sat down, closed my eyes and listened to the sounds of the sea, wind and waves. In my thoughts was a poem I wrote for my partner just after we met;
My Soldier of Love
O Soldier of Love
1997 Caroline Hofstede
the pure and knightly kind
you illuminated my inner flame
no more despair
and you became
the dancer of my mind.
Suddenly a voice spoke to me " Goodbye my little angel, you are wonderful and you will carry my star forever". I cried hearing my partners voice and my heart was lifted to a level so beautiful I just wished I could have shared this with you. I prayed to God thanking him for this experience.
The deep love and understanding I receive from my boyfriend enables me now to open my heart again. He embraced me and with his own unique expression he spoke softly; "My little baby, I love you so much". I realise my life is full of blessing.
From this day on full of gratefulness I continue my life sharing the magic moments and giving my love to people close to my heart. The importance of letting go of the one thing that is the most precious in our life will open up the ultimate divine love and will give us a glance into a world we will travel to in our final journey.
Caroline
21 November 2002